If they offered it to your child, hopefully you would say, "Heck No, Pervert!"
You might be surprised between the hypothetical situation and your actual real life reaction.
There was a young boy in Sunday school who summed up this situation perfectly. He
said:
"If Satan wanted you to eat dog poop, he wouldn't just hand it to you. He'd
cover it in chocolate and sprinkles and present it to you as a doughnut."
Everyone loves doughnuts.
This isn't that different. Any guesses to what I'm talking about?
I was raised in the era of teeny bop sensations, Backstreet Boys and Brittney Spears. They weren't saints but they slipped in hidden ineundos. They mostly stuck to ballads of puppy love and broken hearts. I'm talking about the Brittney Spears Pre-Madonna kiss. That just took it to a whole nother level.
Now they don't even try and hide it. They OPENLY sell SEX. Now I wasn't born yesterday, I know that SEX, DRUGS, & ROCK-N-ROLL have been around long before I was born. And sexual promiscuity has always been an issue in one form or another but at least they didn't go into graphic detail about the sexual acts they were performing. It was mostly inferred or assumed.
With songs like S&M by Rhianna and pretty much anything by Lady Gaga, its hard to imagine why there is so much premarital teen sex? (or gasp...even YOUNGER) Of course the songs with catchiest beat and melody, are the most damaging (think about the doughnut analogy)
For instance, there was this song I heard on the radio, "In My Head". I'd only heard the chorus but from what I could understand, the guy was thinking about how much he loved this girl, and how he dream of them being together forever. Sweet, right? WRONG! I heard very wrong because when I actually caught the whole song on the radio and listened to the verses, he was pretty much wanting a booty call and random sex with the girl while cheating on her boyfriend. And oh yeah, it had a catchy tune. Surprised? I'm not.
NEWSFLASH: You're listening to porn. I'm taking the sprinkles and the chocolate off for you. Almost every song on the radio is like this. It's gotten completely out of control! What's worse, I hear little kids, singing "I want to freak you like this and that" Do they even know what "freaking" is? And further more... freaking is just a "nice" (if you can call it that) for a waaaay worse word.
Which leads me to my next point. Slang. Slang makes it sounds nicer. They're still pretty descriptive when it comes to the actions. But what if they had to use the actual technical terms vs slang.
Here's an example, Lady GaGa's song, "LOVE GAME" (by the way, nothing to do with love)
Verse from song:
"Let's Have some fun, this beat is sick"
"I want to take a ride on your disco stick"
TRANSLATION:
"Let's have random sex, because this song is cool"
"I want to have sex on your penis and most likely contract an STD or get pregnant"
Not as cool, huh? Not to mention there aren't a lot of things that rhyme with "penis" or "vagina."
And the song has a catchy beat.
If they had to use realistic scenarios and anatomical terms. I doubt the songs would be that appealing. Furthermore, they'd be censored out. So what do they do? They hide it by calling it something else, such as a food item or inanimate object. Sneaky. Sneaky.
The songs are also not realistic. They immortalize and fantasize sex. "Sex makes you cool." "Sex is crazy and wild and is the most amazing thing in the world." "We'll make up a cool dance to go with the song so they'll forget it's really about sex and little kids will do it too." Don't get me wrong, I'm a married woman. I enjoy sex with my husband. I'm allowed, but it's something special I share with him and its sacred. Not to be desecrated and mocked with songs like this.
The message I'm trying to get across is not "SEX is BAD" because sex is not a bad thing if you are married and in a point where you can handle the kind of commitment and emotion it brings. There is a time and place for everything. My point is that the media is putting audible porn on the radio and tv's and getting away with it! The music videos can be considered soft core porn and I've seen lingerie that covers more than what some people are being allowed to wear and perform in. (Glitter should never be considered clothing)
When Mitchell and I got married, (we saved ourselves for marriage) we had that special time together on our honeymoon. It was very special and to know that we were sharing that with each other alone made it worth even more. Your whole life, you've built up this idea of what sex was going to be like. What do you have to base it off of if you have no real life experience? The media. Because everything in the media is real (sense the sarcasm radiating off that statement.) The problem is how the media portrays sex and sexuality, it makes sex this life altering, earth-moving event. Which it is, but not in the aspect they are presenting it. After our honeymoon, we both agreed sex wasn't all it was hyped up to be. I mean, it's awesome to share that with someone, the feelings, the emotions, the commitment, the complete venerability with another human being. But it's nothing like they describe in the media.
There's no sparkly vampire telling you to hold still while he gently caresses your upper lip before you go into a make out session. (Obviously because vampires aren't real)
These songs give guys they idea, that you're not a man if you don't have sex or that women are just items to be used for sexual favors. That what is sexy, is wearing butt floss and calling it shorts. These songs give girls the idea, if I really love him, I'll have sex with him or dress this way so he'll think I'm sexy. There is no need for a teenage girl to feel SEXY. Cute, yes? SEXY? No. Sexy is for when you are married and are putting on lingerie for your husband. Not for the whole world to see.
Mitch asked me the other day if I'd heard the Katie Perry song, ET? Catchy tune, horrible message. Yes the chorus isn't as bad as the verses, but I won't tolerate even PART of a bad song. I don't want it in my head. I don't want it to take away the sweet spirit in my home, my life. That's another sneaky tool... take a perfectly good thing and poison it with just a little bad. Just a little wrong never hurt anyone?
Well it doesn't hurt, at first. First you tolerate, then you accept, and then you act.
So why is it so bad to listen to these songs? This audible porn? Because you get it in your head, you start singing it out loud, you start thinking a certain way and then you start acting a certain way.
I'm not dumb enough to think that these songs cause teen pregnancy. People's actions and lack of responsible choices cause that. You choose and take the consequences, good or bad. But these songs don't uplift you, they certainly aren't healthy and won't make you feel better about yourself. Life is hard enough without the added temptation.
I worry about Bella and I know I can't protect her from the world. It's too big. But I can make my home a place of peace. I can choose what songs I will and won't listen to or allow in my home. I can teach her the correct terms and not the slang. I will teach her sex is not bad, because it's not. I'll talk to her openly about these things and answer her questions honestly. Communication is key, because if they aren't hearing it from us, they are getting it from the media or their friends, and they are almost always not a reliable source.
I hope this opens your thoughts to a different perspective of the new "pop culture" I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Wrong, right, or indifferent, this is how I feel.
...and that's what she said.
Now they don't even try and hide it. They OPENLY sell SEX. Now I wasn't born yesterday, I know that SEX, DRUGS, & ROCK-N-ROLL have been around long before I was born. And sexual promiscuity has always been an issue in one form or another but at least they didn't go into graphic detail about the sexual acts they were performing. It was mostly inferred or assumed.
With songs like S&M by Rhianna and pretty much anything by Lady Gaga, its hard to imagine why there is so much premarital teen sex? (or gasp...even YOUNGER) Of course the songs with catchiest beat and melody, are the most damaging (think about the doughnut analogy)
For instance, there was this song I heard on the radio, "In My Head". I'd only heard the chorus but from what I could understand, the guy was thinking about how much he loved this girl, and how he dream of them being together forever. Sweet, right? WRONG! I heard very wrong because when I actually caught the whole song on the radio and listened to the verses, he was pretty much wanting a booty call and random sex with the girl while cheating on her boyfriend. And oh yeah, it had a catchy tune. Surprised? I'm not.
NEWSFLASH: You're listening to porn. I'm taking the sprinkles and the chocolate off for you. Almost every song on the radio is like this. It's gotten completely out of control! What's worse, I hear little kids, singing "I want to freak you like this and that" Do they even know what "freaking" is? And further more... freaking is just a "nice" (if you can call it that) for a waaaay worse word.
Which leads me to my next point. Slang. Slang makes it sounds nicer. They're still pretty descriptive when it comes to the actions. But what if they had to use the actual technical terms vs slang.
Here's an example, Lady GaGa's song, "LOVE GAME" (by the way, nothing to do with love)
Verse from song:
"Let's Have some fun, this beat is sick"
"I want to take a ride on your disco stick"
TRANSLATION:
"Let's have random sex, because this song is cool"
"I want to have sex on your penis and most likely contract an STD or get pregnant"
Not as cool, huh? Not to mention there aren't a lot of things that rhyme with "penis" or "vagina."
And the song has a catchy beat.
If they had to use realistic scenarios and anatomical terms. I doubt the songs would be that appealing. Furthermore, they'd be censored out. So what do they do? They hide it by calling it something else, such as a food item or inanimate object. Sneaky. Sneaky.
The songs are also not realistic. They immortalize and fantasize sex. "Sex makes you cool." "Sex is crazy and wild and is the most amazing thing in the world." "We'll make up a cool dance to go with the song so they'll forget it's really about sex and little kids will do it too." Don't get me wrong, I'm a married woman. I enjoy sex with my husband. I'm allowed, but it's something special I share with him and its sacred. Not to be desecrated and mocked with songs like this.
The message I'm trying to get across is not "SEX is BAD" because sex is not a bad thing if you are married and in a point where you can handle the kind of commitment and emotion it brings. There is a time and place for everything. My point is that the media is putting audible porn on the radio and tv's and getting away with it! The music videos can be considered soft core porn and I've seen lingerie that covers more than what some people are being allowed to wear and perform in. (Glitter should never be considered clothing)
When Mitchell and I got married, (we saved ourselves for marriage) we had that special time together on our honeymoon. It was very special and to know that we were sharing that with each other alone made it worth even more. Your whole life, you've built up this idea of what sex was going to be like. What do you have to base it off of if you have no real life experience? The media. Because everything in the media is real (sense the sarcasm radiating off that statement.) The problem is how the media portrays sex and sexuality, it makes sex this life altering, earth-moving event. Which it is, but not in the aspect they are presenting it. After our honeymoon, we both agreed sex wasn't all it was hyped up to be. I mean, it's awesome to share that with someone, the feelings, the emotions, the commitment, the complete venerability with another human being. But it's nothing like they describe in the media.
There's no sparkly vampire telling you to hold still while he gently caresses your upper lip before you go into a make out session. (Obviously because vampires aren't real)
These songs give guys they idea, that you're not a man if you don't have sex or that women are just items to be used for sexual favors. That what is sexy, is wearing butt floss and calling it shorts. These songs give girls the idea, if I really love him, I'll have sex with him or dress this way so he'll think I'm sexy. There is no need for a teenage girl to feel SEXY. Cute, yes? SEXY? No. Sexy is for when you are married and are putting on lingerie for your husband. Not for the whole world to see.
Mitch asked me the other day if I'd heard the Katie Perry song, ET? Catchy tune, horrible message. Yes the chorus isn't as bad as the verses, but I won't tolerate even PART of a bad song. I don't want it in my head. I don't want it to take away the sweet spirit in my home, my life. That's another sneaky tool... take a perfectly good thing and poison it with just a little bad. Just a little wrong never hurt anyone?
Well it doesn't hurt, at first. First you tolerate, then you accept, and then you act.
So why is it so bad to listen to these songs? This audible porn? Because you get it in your head, you start singing it out loud, you start thinking a certain way and then you start acting a certain way.
I'm not dumb enough to think that these songs cause teen pregnancy. People's actions and lack of responsible choices cause that. You choose and take the consequences, good or bad. But these songs don't uplift you, they certainly aren't healthy and won't make you feel better about yourself. Life is hard enough without the added temptation.
I worry about Bella and I know I can't protect her from the world. It's too big. But I can make my home a place of peace. I can choose what songs I will and won't listen to or allow in my home. I can teach her the correct terms and not the slang. I will teach her sex is not bad, because it's not. I'll talk to her openly about these things and answer her questions honestly. Communication is key, because if they aren't hearing it from us, they are getting it from the media or their friends, and they are almost always not a reliable source.
I hope this opens your thoughts to a different perspective of the new "pop culture" I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Wrong, right, or indifferent, this is how I feel.
...and that's what she said.
I think you are so right Ashley! I don't even listen to pop music anymore. When I was little, I was so sheltered. Until 5th grade, I had no idea there were songs by artist that didn't sing country music. Wait, Disney isn't the only company who makes movies?! Honestly, I don't know how my mom managed to keep us from all that but I hope I'm half as successful.
ReplyDeleteI also think we need to be the ones who tell our kids about sex so they know its true purpose and respect that; however, I really hope it doesn't get so bad we have to teach it in elementary school!
This is great, Ashley and I'm glad you have the courage to say it. A few years ago I started listening to country music. I used to hate country music, but now I love it. There are some country songs that cause me to change the channel, but so many of them are about family, faith and patriotism. The quality of the actual music is usually better as well. I try to be careful of what I play in my car because I'm shocked at how quickly Baylie learns lyrics. (I'm going to repost your link on my facebook.)
ReplyDeleteThis is so true, and unfortunately for a lot of us who love Lady Gaga, and Katy Perry, and Brit Brit- it's a harsh realization that even though I don't think it's affecting me in a serious way- what it is doing is making me immune to the reality of what they're singing about. I'm becoming desensitized to immodesty (is that a word?) I appreciate this so much, it's nice to have a friendly (but straight to the point) reminder some times....I can definietly recognize it in my TV shows- I have started to lean more toward Food Network and Fox versus Bravo and even (gasp) ABC Family channel (which i think has gone sex-crazed). I still hold true to my CW shows, though, at least on Vampire Diaries you never see the highschoolers getting wasted. My new FAVE show, though, is on MTV (SHOCKER)...My Life as Liz. LOVE IT. It's about a bunch of teen-20 something people, a semi reality show and they don't curse, sleep with each other, drink or do drugs. But it's hysterical. I'm obsessed. Ok, done with my discourse.
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right! It's funny how motherhood changes your perspective sometimes, too. Now, when i'm in the car with Grace, i'll actually listen to the words of the song, instead of just the beat, and I've also banned radio from my car! I mostly just listen to primary songs, or cds made by me! Thanks for sharing this, and reminding us of how Satan will try to 'sugarcoat' sin like this!
ReplyDeleteyou have a great post, ashley, but I am wondering what kind of message you feel the title of your blog sends? i don't mean that rudely at all!, but to me, the whole "that's what she said" joke line is all ABOUT objectifying women. the joke always insinuates that an imaginary female is amazed by some aspect of sexual prowess demonstrated by the man telling the joke and is often said to people without said female present. i'm not saying "that's what she said" jokes aren't funny, or catchy, but isn't that what your post is all about; removing the frosting and the sprinkles? i like you a lot, so i feel i can be honest. :)
ReplyDeleteL, honesty is what it's all about. I'm aware of the "that's what she said" jokes and unfortunately when dealing with text, you lose tone of voice. The title of the blog is more emphasis on and that's what she said like that's all she wrote. I could understand with the context of the content of this post it might aeem conflicting but this Blog is more than just sex. This is the first post. I respect and value your opinion and appreciate you sharing it with me. There will be those who will see the title of the blog as a dirty joke and then there are those will see it for what it really is, a blog title.
ReplyDeletewow ashley. everyone should read this.
ReplyDeleteI feel bad I only responded to L's comment and wanted to give feedback to the others.
ReplyDeleteEMILY: Your mom did a great job and I hope to go a similar route. I wish we didn't have to talk about sex in elementary school but when I worked at PLEX there were 1st graders playing the "show me" gain and going into detail about stuff I didn't even know about... I'm not going to try to scar my child and explain sex prematurely but if she has a question, I am going to answer it the best and most accurate way I know how. Which makes me sad, because I'd love to have that conversation before she got married instead so she could just be a kid without the responsibility of it all. On a happier note, thanks for your support and input!
KRISTEN: I don't know its so much courage. I wouldn't consider myself courageous especially since most people have echoed my sentiments. It's just a thought in my head the formed an idea until it expanded so much I had to blog about it or self implode. Sometimes I just want to take these girls aside and tell them how important they are and how they don't need to exploit themselves! (side tangent) It was one of those "if I knew then what I know now " moments that I wish someone would have said to me before so I said them now. If that makes any sense? You know I love you and I think you're a wonderful person. I'm going to have to try and tune into some more country.
LAYNE: It's totally easy to slip into being desensitized. It's a gray area that only gets darker. And your right, sometimes it doesn't affect us as much, but I promise you'll get to a point when it will. You don't want to be numb to what's going on around you and it's so easy to do! I used to watch CSI all the time, until Mitch finally asked what I like so much about seeing people brutally and violently murdered? I never thought about it like that but thats exactly what it is. I'm not a violent person,and I would never want to see anyone get hurt, but here I was, tuning in EVERY WEEK for the next victim. I had no idea how bad it was. I'm already sensitive to things, but when I got pregnant, it was a very spiritual time for me, I was for cognizant of my environment and how it affected me and the baby and I vowed never to watch CSI again. But that's just me. I'm glad I could shed some light on the topic for you like Mitch did for me. And I'll have to check out the My life as Liz, even though most of watch is on Hulu. Thanks for your feedback and presenting a new perspective for me.
L: Again I appreciate your comment and hope it makes sense how I was trying to explain it. The blog isn't about degrading woman, or sexual jokes, It's my sign off... and that's what she said. I'm not trying to have a hidden agenda or make light of the situation. Rainbows were a sign from God that there would be no floods. Homosexuals now use that as their flag. I don't agree with that lifestyle (I have a gay uncle, who I love dearly, but I don't agree with his lifestyle before anyone says I'm a homophobe or gay hater, because I'm not) I'm just trying to point out, how things that are good can be used for bad things.
KELLY: Thanks girl! You've been such a diligent follower of my blogs and it means the world to me. I'm just putting out there what's in my heart and enjoying the healthy discussions that come from it! It's been a blast :)